The Path I Chose
by LoveMeSomeTiva
Summary: Do we choose our paths in life, or does the path choose us? Ziva does some soul searching and Tony tags along. Eventually Tiva, eventually multi-chaptered epic tale. Set in season seven, no major spoilers as of yet.


_This is my first published fanfic, and I hope you all enjoy where I'm going to take the characters. This may seem like a short beginning, and it may seem to take an unexpected turn halfway through, but I have plans in making this a long story._

Chapter One

Ziva heard the soft steps before he could announce his presence, despite having her eyes closed and head bowed in concentration. She had been trained since birth, it seemed, and was always on the alert. She wondered if there would ever be a time where she could just ... sit and be content. Without filing away all the possible entrances and exits, without keeping her eyes, ears, nose and whatever other sense she had open and categorizing for any possible threat that might come within fifty feet of her. She doubted it.

"Yes, Tony?" she murmured, imagining a frown on his face at being called out when he was most likely trying to sneak up on her. Retaliation for the dozen or so times she did it to him, she supposed. He would have to try a lot harder.

"Boss is looking for you." his voice was softer then she expected, less hurried. If Gibbs were indeed looking for her so much so that he sent Tony off to find her, she would expected him to be short with her, annoyed at being sent off on an unnecessary errand.

He paused, then took a step closer. She could almost hear the question in his voice, hear the debate on whether to ask her what the hell she was doing. "A question on the case." he explained further.

"I will be right there." eyes still closed, head still bowed; She knew she was probably worrying him, confusing him. Making him nervous.

He put on a good front, there was no question. Some days, she just about believed that things could go back to normal, slip back into the way it was. _Before_. Before Michael, before Somalia. But then she would catch him starring at her, with that look in his eye. Worry? Pity? Mistrust? She didn't know, couldn't figure it out. Maybe didn't want to.

Or he would hesitate, as he did now. It almost felt like she missed a step somewhere. Times when she would expect a push, a tease, a joke and he would instead back off, leave her alone, let her be. She stumbled, then, off balance.

Some days she appreciated the reprieve. Some days she hated him for it.

"Are you..." she heard and felt his uncertainty.

"What?" she asked with an impatient edge to her voice.

This would be when he would back off, because mostly he only pushed her in front of other people. McGee. Abby. Gibbs. Strangers. It sometimes felt as if he were doing it for their benefit. Maybe he noticed how annoyed she got at how people were treating her when she first got back. Like she was weakened, like they needed to be gentle with her. She wondered if he teased her, pushed her, to prove to them that she was still as strong as ever. Normal.

Was that why he didn't do it while they were alone? No one to prove it to? Because he knew she was strong, or thought she was weak? Who knew. Too maybe questions, too much she couldn't decipher from him anymore.

"I was just going to ask if you were okay." he bit back, surprising her. 'Another misstep,' she thought to herself. Just when she was beginning to figure him out again.

"I am fine." she answered simply.

"Sure." he agreed, and she heard the sarcasm, heard him step closer instead of away. "You're out here in the middle of the day, in the middle of a case. Just sitting here. Sure, you're fine."

"What do you want, Tony?" She finally opened her eyes, raised her head, a frustrated frown dominating her face.

"I told you, Gibbs-" he started, but she cut him off with a shake of her head and a wave of her hand.

"Gibbs left ten minutes ago. He does not need anything from me right now. What do _you _want?" she asked again, frustration clear. He hesitated, looked to the left, thinking it over. Ziva glared at him, demanding he not back down this time. Tony caught the look and glared right back, taking up the challenge as he took another step closer.

"I want to know what's wrong with my partner, that's what I want. You've been quiet these past few days, and you've never snuck off in the middle of a work day to... to just sit here. What's the matter, Ziva?" he asked, the anger trailing off as he let his concern for her show. "Tell me what's wrong. You said you trusted me again."

She sucked a breath in- a small one, and quietly, but she was sure he noticed. "That was underneath the belt." She told him.

"Below." his face twitched in what could have been a smile. "Below the belt. Don't try to distract me from the question."

Ziva hadn't meant to do that. Although it was true that, _before_, she sometimes misused English phrases because she, and maybe even he, enjoyed it when he would correct her; this time though, she had honestly just got that one wrong. Below, underneath- it was the same word. Close enough, yes?

She looked away from him and slid down onto the floor, her back against a concrete wall.

She did trust him, trusted him with her life. She just wished she knew if he felt the same. She was uncomfortable in thinking that maybe she trusted him more then he did her. She wanted to break that habit she seemed to have with men. Although after what she did, what she put them all through, she knew it would be deserved. That she would have to prove herself all over again, that maybe the last four years were wasted.

"You would not understand." she told him truthfully.

"Come on." he tapped her foot with his. "Try me."

She felt bad, wished she could, but shook her head.

"You would not understand." she reiterated.

"Ziva, you have to be able to-" his voice was soft, comforting and she didn't know who he was anymore. The Tony she knew was childish. Angry. Goofy. Skeptical. Smart. He did not go out of his way to try to get her to talk about how she was _feeling_.

"You would **not **understand!" she jumped up, startling him enough so that he took a few steps back. She paused, catching her breath from her outburst before plowing ahead."I see what you all do, you know."

"What?" he was confused and on the defense. "What are you talking about?"

"I see it. You, Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, Abby..." She started listing off their friends, and after each one, Tony got a little more confused and a little more worried that Ziva wasn't making any sense at all. "Sometime this week, every year you all go off and pay your respects."

But now Tony knew what she was talking about. It was four years ago this week that their old comrade, Tony's old partner died. Kate, whom Ziva replaced.

"Ziva..." Tony hesitated, not knowing what to say. "Just because we take time to remember our friend doesn't mean-"

"No." Ziva shook her head, frustrated. "No. I do not fault you for that, that is not what is bothering me."

"Then... what?" Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Ari...." Ziva hesitated, because with that one word Tony lost his frustrated confused look, straightened up and just frowned.

"Ari killed Kate." she nodded once when she said it, did not look him straight in the eye. "Ari killed Kate. Ari was... a monster. A liar. A traitor... to more than just his country."

Ziva turned away from him. "But before he was a monster, he was my brother."

Tony was torn. He hated Ari, hated him and was glad he was dead- was overjoyed when he heard Gibbs put a bullet right between that bastard's eyes. But he was Ziva's brother, and since his death they almost never spoke of him. Ziva rarely talked of her family, of growing up. Ari was not much older that her, but he never even knew if they were close. She trusted him, did not think Ari killed innocent people; but other than that, Tony knew nothing of their relationship.

"He was my brother and I..." Her back was to him, but Tony saw her head bow again. "He was a monster, but before that, he was my brother." she repeated.

"Ziva.."Tony didn't know what to say. Hardly anything ever got to his tough ninja; so when something was finally bad enough to slip through her defenses, Tony knew it was important.

"I am sorry for Kate, for what my brother did." Ziva said, voice suddenly clear, head raised and turning back to him. Tony knew his chance had passed, Ziva was back-peddling and on the defense. "I wish I had gotten a chance to meet her. We should get back to work."

"Wait, Zi..." Tony tried anyway, reaching out to stop her while she walked past him.

"No." Fire blazed in her eyes. "You are glad he is dead, yes?"

Tony couldn't lie. It would be useless against her anyway.

"Yes." he said quietly. She was expecting it, but it still stung. She nodded head head again, once.

"Then I cannot talk to you, to any of you. Ari killed Kate." Tony wondered if she knew what a mantra was, because that was suspiciously starting to sound like one. "Ari would have killed Gibbs- maybe would have killed you all. Ari deserved to die. I am sorry I brought him up to you. I am sorry for Kate, for your loss."

Without another word, she slipped off, leaving Tony going through their conversation, wondering what he could have said differently. Eventually, he followed her back into the building.

* * *

AN: This is how it starts, but the whole story isn't just going to be about Ari. Maybe it's because I have a brother, but Im really interested in what their relationship was like. I couldn't imagine discovering that my big brother, who protected me growing up, even if we did fight was some kind of twisted monster, let alone dealing with having to kill him.

Anyway, I'm going to explore that and other things, so I hope you enjoyed this and will look forward to hearing any feedback.


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